I recently read the opening chapter of “Hyperspace” by physicist Michio Kaku and was stopped in my tracks.
Kaku recounts how as a boy, he used to spend hours watching carp swim around the pond at San Francisco’s Japanese Tea Garden. He tried to imagine the fishes’ experience. 
An excerpt:
“Living their entire lives in the shallow pond, the carp would believe that their “universe” consisted of the murky water and the lilies. Spending most of their time foraging on the bottom of the pond, they would be only dimly aware that an alien world could exist above the surface. The nature of my world was beyond their comprehension. I was intrigued that I could sit only a few inches from the carp, yet be separated from them by an immense chasm. The carp and I spent our lives in two distinct universes, never entering each other’s world, yet were separated by only the tiniest barrier, the water’s surface.”
How does this resonate for you right now, in this moment?
After my planned natural birth ended in Cesarean section, I found myself feeling lost, thwarted and in disbelief.
In the days and weeks following my son’s birth, I needed to express my true feelings, to feel heard and supported.
Instead, it seemed as if everyone wanted me to focus on my healthy son (for whom I was eternally grateful) and move on. The lack of supportive community made me feel silenced and alone.
Sound familiar?
My birth experience inspired me to create a unique coaching package specifically for women challenged by Cesarean delivery. Whether your Cesarean was weeks, months or years ago, these sessions can help you move forward with confidence and pride.
This three-session package is designed to support you in honoring your birth experience and finding an empowering way to relate to it. Coaching takes place by phone or Skype for convenience. I offer a variety of appointment times to accommodate your busy schedule.
Session One: Tell Your Truth – in this session you’ll have the chance to say everything you’ve been holding back in a supportive, non-judgmental space.
Session Two: Claim Your Success – together we’ll discover and claim your successes, the points of pride in your birth experience.
Session Three: Your Empowering Birth Story – you’ll write your birth story from an empowering point of view, one which highlights your successes and puts your disappointments in perspective.
I invite you to contact me and set up a sample session.
You can have a career that is uplifting, rewarding. You can do work that you love, that is fun, that makes a contribution to the world.
Is that an unimaginable notion?
The Backstory:
One of my fondest childhood memories is traveling to India and spending time with my paternal grandmother under the lime tree in
her garden. She spoke no English and my Kannada was rusty, but over stainless steel tumblers of freshly squeezed and sweetened lime juice, we connected.
Her favorite topic was life in America. She wanted to know mundane stuff, like how we shopped, cooked and kept our homes. She was also curious about how we managed Michigan winters. At some point I casually mentioned making Swiss Miss hot chocolate with hot water from a tap in our kitchen sink.
“The water is hot when it comes out? she asked.
“Yeah.” I replied.
“Don’t you have to boil it to make sure it’s safe to drink?”
“Nope. The water just comes out. Hot or cold. Clean and safe.”
My grandmother was incredulous and paused for a few moments before allowing me to continue. She let me finish my story, but I sensed that she was still taking in the reality that somewhere on this Earth, clean water, hot and cold, flows freely. It was unimaginable to her.
The Lesson:
Today this memory popped into my mind for no apparent reason. Then it hit me, exactly the wisdom I needed today:
Release your imagination. Let it run wild.
What may seem impossible to you now may already exist, just waiting for you to experience it.
A decade later, my grandmother came to America and saw the water flow for herself.
As a teenager, I began writing New Year’s Eve reflections in my journal. I loved looking back on the year and highlighting memorable events. This was in the 80′s; most of my entries were about Duran Duran, getting my driver’s license and my high school crush. I continued this ritual until my twenties when New Year’s Eve parties took precedence over quiet reflection.
In my early thirties, I went back to quieter celebrations. Once my girlfriends and I went to a decadent Mexican dinner, came back to my place and lit candles to usher in the new year. We could hear the revelers outside my Manhattan apartment and it was comforting to be together, just allowing the transition to wash over us.
After Jonathan entered my life, New Year’s Eve became about cooking a nice dinner, sharing champagne and watching fireworks from my apartment window. Now that we have a young son, we do a countdown at 8pm to accommodate his bedtime.
Last year I restarted my teenage tradition of journaling reflections and added a new twist. I started looking ahead to the coming year and listing what I hoped would come into my life.
My Gift For You
This year I’d like to share my ritual with you. Here’s a 2011 Completion and Creation exercise for you to honor what’s passed and envision what’s to come in 2012.
Happy New Year!
This year I’m looking back ten years to the fall of 2001. (FYI – Here’s last year’s post.)
September: The Twin Towers fell.
October: I found out my employer was selling the division I worked in. Not only would I be laid off, but as VP of Human Resources, I would play a key role in laying off one-hundred-fifty of my co-workers. Ouch.
November: We broke the news to our employees who were angry, confused, depressed. I tried to help keep things calm while we sat in limbo.
December: As the clock ticked down on 2001, we grew increasingly restless. Finally, on New Year’s Eve, I listened from home to a staff conference call with our CEO. The sale had closed. It was over.
The Lesson:
As I look back, I can feel the angst of that time. It was like I was slowly being pushed up against a brick wall. I thought I might be crushed. I was wrong.
The force of those events didn’t crush me.
They pushed me right through the wall and onto the other side where I found my husband, my son and a career in coaching.
My wish for your in 2012:
May the forces that seem to be crushing you serve to usher you into a new life full of joy and fulfillment.
Most women I’ve met in my Cesarean healing work find themselves caught in an endless loop of unanswerable questions about their births.
Can you relate? Here are two big questions I continue to ask myself, over two years after my C-section:
• What if I had chosen to have a home birth?
• Why did I ignore my intuition about my midwife? (Among many other things, I realized in retrospect that she never learned to pronounce my name correctly. Now it feels like that was a big warning sign.)
I call this endless questioning “Riding the Question Carousel”
Riding a carousel can be a lovely experience, but too much spinning around can have dizzying effects.
When we keep going around and around the same landscape we lose an opportunity to see the bigger picture.
We stay on a mechanized loop of questioning ourselves instead of stepping off and walking forward on our path with confidence.
What persistent questions do you ask about your birth?
Join me on October 23 for the next Cesarean Healing Circle. We will explore the questions that keep you spinning and brainstorm ways to step off the carousel.
Space is limited to eight participants so reserve your space today! Registration fee is $20. Pre-crawling babies are welcome.
I hope to see you on the 23rd. Please email or call me at 917 306 1341 if you have any questions.
I’m teaching a one-day coaching skills intensive with Richard Michaels this Saturday, October 15.
If you’re interested in learning how to help motivate people to transform their lives, this is a perfect opportunity to get started.
Click here for a full description of our course and to register.
Join me for our next Cesarean Healing Group on September 25 from 10am – 11:30am in Manhattan. Our topic will be:
Honoring the loss and disappointment of Cesarean Delivery
After my C-section, I felt totally alone and misunderstood. It felt like everyone wanted me to just move on. No one seemed able or willing to understand my disappointment. Yet, I couldn’t move on without fully honoring and processing what I had lost in my birth experience.
If you feel similarly, please join us on the 25th. Help us create a safe space for like-minded women to share, honor and heal without apology or judgment.
Pre-registration is required. Registration fee is $20.
A testimonial:
I am so glad I made the time to attend this workshop. At first I was hesitant because I didn’t want to rehash the things I couldn’t change about my birth experience. Through the workshop, I realized there was a lot I could change about the way I thought and felt about it. Madhu helped me move on from dwelling on the negative and find the positive aspects. It was well worth finding a few hours to do this for myself.
Sara F., Brooklyn
Do you feel stuck in your career? Are you often bored and uninspired at work?
Do you want to change your work life but have no idea how to start? Or even what change to make?
You are not alone! I’ve been there and so have my clients.
I can help you change your work life without changing jobs.
My “No Resignation Required” coaching program is a three-month package in which we will:
Redefine how you approach your current work
Explore what you really want from your future work
Transform draining mental and emotional blocks
Implement new, empowering mindsets and behaviors
Create a detailed action plan for meaningful career change
Not ready to commit to a three-month program? I offer options!
A Testimonial:
“It’s not easy defining, let alone achieving your goals. Madhu can take your big dream and organize it into bite-size manageable goals. She listens to the little details and helps you see the big picture. Whether you’re looking for a complete overhaul or just a new perspective, Madhu listens and delivers real, practical strategies to help get you there.” —Pamela, Chicago IL
I’m pleased to announce three fall dates for “Whole Again”, the healing circle for women who were challenged by Cesarean delivery.
We’ll meet on three Sundays – September 25, October 23 and November 13 from 10am – 11:30am at Meridian Studio in Manhattan.
You can register right here to save your spot.
Description: Whether your Cesarean delivery was weeks, months or years ago, you may still feel the after effects in your body, mind and spirit. You may feel angry, silenced, incomplete. Chances are you long to be heard, supported and understood.
Join this group of women who were challenged by Cesarean birth and wish to honor and heal the experience. Our focus will be three-fold:
- To share our stories in a supportive, safe community
- To be supported without apology or judgment
- To celebrate our strengths and to claim the ways we succeeded in our birth experience
A testimonial:
I am so glad I made the time to attend this workshop. At first I was hesitant because I didn’t want to rehash the things I couldn’t change about my birth experience. Through the workshop, I realized there was a lot I could change about the way I thought and felt about it. Madhu helped me move on from dwelling on the negative and find the positive aspects. It was well worth finding a few hours to do this for myself.
Sara F., Brooklyn
A note from Madhu:
After my C-section, it felt like the world was saying, “You have a healthy baby. Now move on.” I was inspired to create this group after talking to many other women who felt similarly silenced and unable to fully process their experience.
It's time to get unstuck! Here's how you start: 